identity pass

 

told we can all be great, and we should not hate

am i less human if i go the other way

knowing that i do not know about tomorrow

but history repeats itself

am i less human for dreading  a fail

between fears and tears

am i less human

am i less human

because i never was any ones muse

i pass

being one of them others according to your judgement

having this skin or that hair and being of such a back ground

am i an alien to your type

knowing less or more than you

speaking differently from you

does it make me a greenblood

loving things you hate or hating things you love

choosing a path other than your choiciest

do i alienate myself

am i less human

i pass

how often do you say you love me

when all you show is the love of control over me

how often do you say i am the best thing that you have

when all you see is the net worth you have of me

how more often do you want me to live your life

so you can show pleasure and pride in a borrowed lie

again i pass

with all enticements, or fear or aches that you set i’m not buying in

it will still alienate me from God’s beautfull Holiness

and im gladly the outsider to the rest of the world but not to my very own father in heaven

so still i pass

i am passing to God, a flight into the known unkown

dare you not hold me back from my only hope

even if i loose a feather or all wings

im into being made a new creature with or without wings i will fly

to where the only love that matters most is the love of the Alpha and Omega

and here i do not pass

this is my identity

and i will not pass it over

 

 

I didn’t have to flirt!

patiencel

 

Hmm well it’s been almost a year and a while since a relationship. Being the proud Mary that I was, walking back into a door he had kicked me out of was not an option so I reassured myself I deserved better. What better meant I didn’t know then and honestly, over 500 days later, I still do not.

It’s not like I could not afford to be in a relationship but, I told myself I needed to heal. Probably heal from the pain I might have caused him since I personally had only a loss of time and a few dear people I’d grown fond of in his family. Besides, it is preferable by society if you do not jump out of one into another relationship otherwise you might be looked at as one who was cheating or one who sells themselves. It’s at this point I realized this girl had likely never been in love. Not with him, not with myself and I was surely starting to question my love for God.

3 Months later I was set on a journey to understand the God I had met and lived with this whole while (the journey still continues to date). Luckily it was not a choice I made all by myself; I am not a fun of making choices be it what to eat or to do, which is why I am usually flexible to the suggestions of others and I guess it’s why I was stuck in a relationship that was not really good. Anyway back to 3 months later, I was overwhelmed with finally really growing up all by myself. This growing meant living in a new city where I knew no one here and it was a new work place right after school and zero personal-social competence.  I obviously got a little depressive and doubtful of my purpose in life (I still do not know what role I am to play on earth but I am sure there is one so I don’t really doubt anymore).  This time was filled with questions juggled from me to God and this is when I started loathing first but then loving the silence of God. He was showing what a gentle man He is. I carelessly speaking to Him about my selfish self and Him on the other hand just listening and not slapping me but rather holding me in His arms still in silence.  I became sure of the love I had for God and was confident that He is the only one I truly und fully always loved (You can imagine the relief knowing grandma’s teachings where not in vain). Now luckily or rather blessedly I have the love of Jesus Christ that overflows in me and He has taken all my fears and doubts and is diligently placing confidence and boldness as well as an understanding I never had before into the tinny package of the human I am. All this love from God comes without Him flirting with us despite the fact that we always try to play games with Him trying to get the most of Him without a commitment and even then on many occasions He gives us more than we ask for. I started experiencing God’s love without flirting, just being honest, open and humble and He did not try to catch my attention through empty pleasantries but rather reaching out to my core brokenness with beautiful intension.

The question left in the room was now if I am ever capable of loving myself, others and above all if I can fall in love with a man when the time comes. I questioned my abilities to flirt and watched videos on how to attract a man and blah blah blah only to find out that I indeed was never a natural flirt and did not really enjoy it either. Luckily I have of late repeatedly been told; to be found by the right man, I won’t have to raise the flirt dirt to catch his eye. All I have to be is, open, prayerful and patient regardless of the order for starters. Honestly doubt still sweeps in every once in a while if I stand a chance to fall in love or if I’ll have to get into a ‘mariage de convenance’ and how it will feel like. Currently I am a messy construction site under God’s supervision yet sincerely confident that my man  (no idea what he should be like) if he exists, will find a well grown lady who loves herself and her God so much that she will be able to extend that love to him and entrust him with my entire being because Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

MBA

Chosen war and redeemed hope

i choose a bold suffer as a warrior for my redemption and not comfort in being a desiring slave to greed’s oppression

much as it appears to be my choice, it is one forced on me by the laws and the fears of men who could not hold back their judgement but lamented when excellence drew close or when failure took a stroll and my feet and face met on the ground overwhelmed

 

 

in the day or night i grasp towards light even in the grayest of skies

when i see none i do not hurt because then i know there is one shining through me

from a place i have stored up all the light that i ever caught

there is no life in looking into darkness but surely there is light to display the path and lead  me and that is where my heart goes

 

on my wall i see memories of the future

on the floor i feel scars from the blows printed deep

but with my head held high and my shoulders covered with budges of experience i choose to look at the wall and not the floor till a next door opens

there is not much joy in looking down on my yesterday me when my tomorrows me will have been amazing

 

i might as less as other not understand what i say now

but when i have lived long enough and my tears are run dry

my smile is multiplied in wrinkles

the light that can not be overseen will shine through me

 

 

 

and the greed or fear will pass me by at a distance

and my future will long be a past at my final destination

i will wake up at the feet of Jesus covered in the Glory of God

 

MBA

Ballet is [not] the foundation of dance. 

I wouldn’t dare disagree with this point. Well written, well said.

The Adventures of J Lyn

“Ballet is the most important style to train in.”

“Ballet gives you the foundation to do all dance styles.”

“Ballet is the foundation of dance.”

For the past month and a half I have been living in a country where ballet and ballet-based genre classes barely exist. I don’t see pointed feet. Teachers don’t communicate in French terminology. Not in recreational dance classes, not in rehearsals for the National Company, not in the Dance Department’s studies at the University of Ghana. Here taking a technique class means training in Traditional Ghanaian dance. Here claiming to be a dancer means you are skilled at both Adowa and Azonto. Here Traditional Ghanaian dances are the foundation of dance exploration and studies.

Here an Afrocentric approach is enough. Is valid. Is complete.

Yet in the States I can’t escape hearing, “Ballet is the most important style to train in. Ballet gives you the…

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For the first time in exactly a month I have  an escape from my self declared exile. Yes, I moved to this city on the 1st.of the month thinking am moving to a metropolitan city only to find out it is actually just next to it. So much excitement that I even failed to realize I’m not moving to the place I want to. Any way back to th

What’s The Difference Between Lagos and Berlin Guys?

My Fashion S/ash Life

Now I’m dwelling in Port Harcourt Slash ‘The Land That The Good Lord Forgot’, but a few weekends ago I was sitting in a club a male friend had taken me out to.  The table consisted of his friends and I, and they had bought me a cocktail, and when I finished it, I turned round to my friend and asked, ‘What would you like to drink?’.  My male friend shook his head, looked at me and said, ‘Biki, we are not in Berlin anymore’.  I laughed, and ‘got it’- I was now in Lagos, a city where its the norm and almost expected for the woman to have drinks poured on her from every angle, and she need not return the favour.

I know what some of you might be thinking- ‘You may not pay that night but you sure will later!!”  But I remember a night which…

View original post 1,279 more words

self pity

who am i to say pity

when i look at myself

am less fitting

why should i take this only one kiss

when all i had were jeers

and a few shots of puked beer

i can not take on your sorry

when it is a lie my whole story

and the truth will cause a furry

ill leave without saying goodbye

no one will notice i long died

and they’ll ask why they never noticed

a room was always empty

so don’t tell jokes

i wont laugh

do not flirt

or I’ll start a fight

go on like they all do

i will be the same as they all said i would

proverbs

don’t judge a book by its cover

after you have torn it out!

one by one makes a bundle

and that’s how you always handle

it takes two to play the game

when ever it has no name

Birds of a feather flock together!

but through such weather I’ll pluck yours further.

a stitch in time saves nine

so that is not mine cause Africans do not keep time

and when they do it saves none

When one door o…

When one door opens, many others do too.

”if you open the door, close it right behind you” that is one thing to door that we know. the other is that ”once one closes, another opens”.

Maybe its true; maybe only in certain situations. But the most likely thing to happen when one door opens is that many others also start opening.

Its like in a quiet neighborhood or hotel where something unusual loudly happens and catches the attention of many others, who will quickly or carefully open there doors to see what is happening!

Usually not always; luck or blessings as i love to call it does not come in singulars. So if you find your blessing open your eyes, the other ones are not that far away. Unless of course you are so slow or only eye sighted.

-ears are to walls as mouths are to phones-

so if your words are not safe behind closed doors, they can not be safe with in and ahead of satelit-e gadgets!

 

THE WEIGHT OF CHRISTMAS

clot-xmax-house-1

As Christmas draws closer

my nose grows wider

for the scent of cinnamon cookies

and vanilla-orange tea replay all last memories

 

Even as Christmas carols sound stronger

my ears still do not get fonder

for these are the songs that remind my doubtful heart

that the jingle bell time is not a one-night stunt

 

When the Christmas lights start twinkling

my nights get brighter with reachable stars

and then I know the sky is just the ground

for all people to enjoy the giving and recieving

 

whether Christmas is a christian thing or not

I have lots of reasons to give it its own pot

Starting with my soul and Christ to my boss sponsoring my fun

No I wont fight about that, I have to join in festive joy

 

even when I am sad and lonely on Christmas

i have lots of gingerbread men to talk to

angles watching over from the pine tree top and else where

big socks that get filled real high or burned real fast

and there is still a reason to laugh after that but above all

there are real friends and family to fill the gap of thousand empty socks

MBA

 

b-earthday

Birthdays are heydays for the young in spirit

but a plague for the dead in mind

A chance to forge a way out of the past and remember the future

forgive the forgotten and find a hold on the unknown

sighing the suppressed joy of not yet having to taste death

and demeaning the fear of having to face it unexpectedly

a renewed urge not to be told to learn something

but discover a little of the largely revealed  or hidden

celebrating  the ones around and mourning the lonesomeness

within

even if i look 16, feel 30 and are somewhere in the middle

i only can say

Happy birthday to me in 5 minutes 🙂

 

i find

hate and love are blinding

fate and luck are binding

whats mine, I’ll find it

whats not, i wont fight for

face the fact

fear the thought

what the heart doesn’t know

the eyes can not be trusted with

MBA

with one line you froze this love

just when i was fond of love always being warmly wrapped

a cold sentence out of nowhere and somewhere ripped my pampered heart apart

the reasons of having stayed put, in a relationship i thought worth holding onto

were no where to be seen when you slid a bitter questioning statement across my naive mind

and now a dark curtain is drawn between us at a time i was glad to finally get to sleep in your arms

i neither want to hear from you nor speak to you now despite my need for an explanation

i hope you will be there to talk to when i am done being angry

only next time, be the loving, respectful friend i would love to have in you

maybe that way i will be able to reorganize the doubts you have planted in my lazy mind and throw out those i have earned myself.

once beaten twice shy they say, and twice beaten quite daft i’d say

so here i am, twice beaten and giving twice less love as before