THE WEIGHT OF CHRISTMAS

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As Christmas draws closer

my nose grows wider

for the scent of cinnamon cookies

and vanilla-orange tea replay all last memories

 

Even as Christmas carols sound stronger

my ears still do not get fonder

for these are the songs that remind my doubtful heart

that the jingle bell time is not a one-night stunt

 

When the Christmas lights start twinkling

my nights get brighter with reachable stars

and then I know the sky is just the ground

for all people to enjoy the giving and recieving

 

whether Christmas is a christian thing or not

I have lots of reasons to give it its own pot

Starting with my soul and Christ to my boss sponsoring my fun

No I wont fight about that, I have to join in festive joy

 

even when I am sad and lonely on Christmas

i have lots of gingerbread men to talk to

angles watching over from the pine tree top and else where

big socks that get filled real high or burned real fast

and there is still a reason to laugh after that but above all

there are real friends and family to fill the gap of thousand empty socks

MBA

 

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b-earthday

Birthdays are heydays for the young in spirit

but a plague for the dead in mind

A chance to forge a way out of the past and remember the future

forgive the forgotten and find a hold on the unknown

sighing the suppressed joy of not yet having to taste death

and demeaning the fear of having to face it unexpectedly

a renewed urge not to be told to learn something

but discover a little of the largely revealed  or hidden

celebrating  the ones around and mourning the lonesomeness

within

even if i look 16, feel 30 and are somewhere in the middle

i only can say

Happy birthday to me in 5 minutes 🙂

 

i find

hate and love are blinding

fate and luck are binding

whats mine, I’ll find it

whats not, i wont fight for

face the fact

fear the thought

what the heart doesn’t know

the eyes can not be trusted with

MBA

with one line you froze this love

just when i was fond of love always being warmly wrapped

a cold sentence out of nowhere and somewhere ripped my pampered heart apart

the reasons of having stayed put, in a relationship i thought worth holding onto

were no where to be seen when you slid a bitter questioning statement across my naive mind

and now a dark curtain is drawn between us at a time i was glad to finally get to sleep in your arms

i neither want to hear from you nor speak to you now despite my need for an explanation

i hope you will be there to talk to when i am done being angry

only next time, be the loving, respectful friend i would love to have in you

maybe that way i will be able to reorganize the doubts you have planted in my lazy mind and throw out those i have earned myself.

once beaten twice shy they say, and twice beaten quite daft i’d say

so here i am, twice beaten and giving twice less love as before

 

 

Grew cold and threw gold

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and all the other people

you broke there hearts

thinking it was no good

and now its all that gold

you look for beneath the ground

where you every now and then

get buried under burdened waves

full of ghosts of your past filth

in fives and fours your desires increase

but in this manner your own peace you dismiss

till there is nothing of you left

like that ugly sin every one wants to hide

and the great feel it once carried like spite

for every moment

you are one of the kind

just your name and thousand pains will be painted

just your face and all smiles will be fading

cause all these broken people

you can never mend them

not with your hands that framed them

and not with your words

that nailed them

not with that heart that hated them

you might say that sorry

you might mean that forgive me

but the thick bloody piles

of  your dirty files

no blind eye will over see

no deaf ear will overhear

just as mighty as they are

so are the lives that they tore

in the times that you were to high

on your seemingly immortal thoughts

that spat lies into your real fears

and now as you search rest

the hearts you once made a waste of

fade atlast

only to turn into that gold

you sought of in the empty soils

that now gather you

as you catch a far off glimpse of their light

their beauty and their worth

now even bigger than when you first saw them

MBA

ImageI loved you

and i loved you

i new you would love me

once you knew me

so i loved you

and i loved you

i feared you would not know me

soon enough, i would start to fear

but i loved you

and i loved you

that way i lost my fear

by and by it reared into faith

then i loved you

and i loved you

and now and then when i have you

i love you

and i love you

not to see it in my blind eyes

not to hear it from my heavy tongue

do not forget that

i loved you

and i loved you

and i love you

MBA

 

The Picture is from http://www.cooldesktopbackgrounds.net/background.php?id=23&res=4

 

PASSIONATE BLACKMAIL

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do i have a choice but to love you

i did have a chance but did not leave you

driven by mighty hopes and merciless passions

i use my knees once again to beg myself to stay

and my conscience says to me you will be a better man

my thoughts lie to me every time i take their word

thinking i might have made no right choice

yet my heart reasons that love knows patience

if the world was patient with me i would not have grown this fast

but does it love me anyway?

because i had to walk past the waiting line of girls for the perfect man

i stumbled on the take and don’t return guy

that left me hanging after i paid bail

now i can not talk to mama coz she said

girl it is trash if it is a rush

how would it be if i listened

how will it be if i wait

I’ll stay as long as this love i feel can blackmail me

but not a minute longer if your promises are a passionate blackmail

MBA

 

 

LEIDENSCHAFTLICHE ERPRESSUNG

Habe ich eine andere Wahl, als dich zu lieben

ich habe eine Chance gehabt, aber dich hab ich nicht verlassen

angetrieben von mächtigen Hoffnungen und gnadenlosen Leidenschaften

Ich benutze mein Knie wieder mir zu bitten, bei dir zu bleiben

und mein Unterbewusstsein sagt mir, du wirst ein besserer Mensch sein

meine Gedanken lügen mich an jedes Mal  wenn ich ihr Wort annehme

ich dachte, ich hatte keine richtige Wahl getroffen

doch mein Herz begründete, dass die liebe Geduld kennt

wenn die Welt nur Geduld mit mir hätte, wäre ich nicht so schnell gewachsen

aber  liebt mich diese überhaupt?

denn ich war vorbei gelaufen an der Warteschlange von Mädels für den perfekten Mann

i stolperte über den nimm- und gib-nicht  zurück Kerl

der ließ mich hängen, nachdem ich gegen Kaution bezahlt

nun kann ich Mama nicht ansprechen, sie sagte

Mädchen es ist nichts wert, wenn es übereilt  ist

wie wäre es, wenn ich hörte

wie wird es sein, wenn ich warten

Ich werde bleiben so lange diese Liebe mich erpressen kann

aber nicht eine Minute länger, falls deine Versprechen leidenschaftliche Erpressungen sind

MBA

 

confusion out of a beer glass

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the taste of juice in a beer glass

like the feel of rain on a hot sunny day

dresses up my conscience for a sweet moment of pity

the dreadful sight through sunglasses on a dark night

like a wind that digs deep into the sea

confuses my peace as i stumble upon troublesome hearts

the taste of your bitter words a decade after

like a spear drawn out of my side a minute after

is a relieving reason for my unhappy self

i get the sweet out of the hard sugar cane

like a homeless man enjoys even the taste of  molded bread

i learned to love the harshest memory and live with my finest enemy

now all i have is a repetitive blah blah blah

of no sense making finger pointing and self condemnation

and this is how it is going to go on and on and on and on

and ……….until you are gone

MBA

I am not a classic writer,just writing as a starter for the fun of it and to discover 😀

I’d like to encourage every one to comment on, correct, criticize. I  will be glad when you share  my Poems and follow me on this highway to imagination on my blog 😉 https://stylenard.wordpress.com

when ‘what men love about women’ fails

when ever i go through beauty & fashion blogs and sites, i catch myself clicking where it states ”women’s blablabla ….. that men like” sadly or gladly for me, it is mostly white women’s blablaba. No reason to complain really! Its just that i feel guilty that women, ladies, girls….including me get manipulated into thinking that all they do and how they look is supposed to rotate about what men think of them. Now i am not talking emancipation here but rather self worth and self esteem. It is okay to once in a while get new ideas on how to please your man but, do not let your physical being rotate about his or not even his but other unknown guys proclamations. No matter how one looks there is always going to be some Adam that loves a woman even without makeup and any up-dos. And no matter how hard one tries, there is going to be some guy that just does not find you all that loveable just like ladies do not find just about every guy loveable. These attractions theories are all the effect of to me an unknown ‘passions balancing portion’ thanks to nature. Anyway the point is getting careful while rushing to click on posts that encourage deprivation of oneself esteem and desire to please others of the opposite or same sex for unsatisfiable pleasures.

Cold old love

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the most beautiful  face i always knew

now a cloud that rolls in the night

the funny laughter

now a wolf’s howl against his own pack

the warm tight hugs we once enjoyed,

a faceless wind that now pushes me away

what happened to that young fresh love my dearest of now enemies

the sweet songs we sung as the sunset,

replaced with replayed provocations

the bread we always happily made together

now, you want all for yourself

the one we had become

now only a silhouette of thousands of our facets

were does your celestial love linger

those that once adored us now mock us

but that i will not blame on you

this heartless silence you are sealing me in

drives me in a trance of my darkest blues

and here comes clueless me with my skinny mind

telling the stories of our personal globe

hoping that what once was will come back around

now dear love, i know we are old and gray

and that we have lost most of our mind to the gone days

but hey not more of this cold love no more

even when we do not know how to go about this so long

it is freezing my mind-time yet i hope it blossoms in its season

it is digging the best out of me in a time of no harvest

let us be friends again lovers again even maybe enemies that love each other

but let us make the best of our rest days before the soils yearn for our flesh

MBA

Lonesome Addiction

Please do not keep me waiting you know my impatience

and that the sun rises on me only in the night

i just  keep wondering why

When you put your arms around me

i feel i am burning from inside and leaving no ashes on either sides

the touch of your chest hair on my breast

feels like my heart is being crushed into an endless spear

the sound of your whisper close to my ear

is like the beat of a tropical song that is playing in my feet

the touch of your hands feels like a wind that undresses me in a desert

and when i see you i get swept off my feet like it were by a tree

Now i guess i feel free, but that; because the gain is cashed for me

this love makes me blue like day skies

but your laughter breaks the ground of my dark night heart

but love me at least this one last time like i have said every other last time

before i am left to the misery of my lonesome addiction

then we shall say farewell to my celestial love and a life of crime

then this will be our own time

MBA

PS: i ran into the song and i thought it perfectly fits to my ‘small complaint’ up there 😀